The next day I went out and picked up a pair of bamboo knitting needles so I could just "try it out". My test sampler looks like this now:

I got bored of the knit stitch (called the garter stitch when it's multiple rows), so I moved on to try combinations of knit and purl. I'm going to try a cable next and then increasing and decreasing. I'm pretty sure I'll be able to knit just about anything after that. Oh, and maybe figure out how to do a gauge properly.
It's kind of hilarious and kind of terrifying because I started out with the wooden straight needles because everything I read said that they were the easiest for beginners. I'm finding that they grip the yarn a bit too much for my liking and that casting even 30 stitches in difficult to manage. I guess I'm going to pick up some circular metal needles soon lol
But fear not, readers who are here for my stitching. I have in no way lost my love for that. In fact, I'm starting a Mill Hill ornie today since my left thumb knuckle is hurting. I think I knitted too much last night.